see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
