I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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