I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
