I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize