Whod you bang
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
