i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
