Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
