she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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