mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
