I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
