I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
