All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We are two peas in an std pod
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
