last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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