the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
