i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
