Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
