Yo dont text me then not text me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
