I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
