From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
