There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
