sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
