it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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