I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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