I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
