The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
