you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
