then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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