I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
