so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
