Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
