i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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