He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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