Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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