i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize