R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
