Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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