pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
