Ambien. No doubt about it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
