doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
