I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
