Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
