DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
