you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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