I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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