Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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