I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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