From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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