I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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