Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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