Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
