i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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