I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
