We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
