Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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