Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
