It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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