Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize