I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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