I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
