She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
