fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize