I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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