you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found puke in my bra..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
