i permit you to call me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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