He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
