a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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