A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
