Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
