this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
