Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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