Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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