I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize