Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
