Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
