I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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