I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize