I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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