mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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