I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
