just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
