Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
