I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
