The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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