thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
