So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
