Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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