the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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