So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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