You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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