i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
