the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
