Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
