i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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