Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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