I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Me too!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
