Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
