How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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